| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2005|02:25 am] |
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I have a bitchin headache and I'm going to bed early. Today was a good day though, so I thought that I'd share that. |
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| It must be bunnies! |
[Oct. 23rd, 2005|07:45 pm] |
Leviticus 11:06 (King James Version)
6 And the hare, because he cheweth the cud, but divideth not the hoof; he is unclean unto you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 23rd, 2005|05:03 pm] |
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The copier put forth a valiant effort, but in the end, I was victorious and my copies were made! |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 23rd, 2005|02:36 pm] |
My period is 4 days late. It's never been more than 1 day late before. I took and pregnancy test and it was negative. I guess it's stress.
I wish that I could take some time off. I have 5 days off in December and then next year I get three weeks or vacation, so there's some relief coming in the future. I have to hang on to that.
I've been thinking about why I work so hard. I think it's because I'm fat. It's like I have something to prove- that I'm not lazy or stupid. And also because I feel like I have to be able to support myself so that I'm not dependent on anyone.
I believe that a person's primary moral obligation is to provide for themselves and no be a burden on anyone else.
And also, because a part of me believes that it's all I have to offer. I feel like it's okay for a beautiful girl to not work and live off her husband because she's beautiful and she has her beauty to offer, but a fat girl has to pull her weight- earn her keep.
That's my low self-esteem talking, ya'll.
I need some rest. |
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| Before I forget |
[Oct. 14th, 2005|03:44 pm] |
Iyanla just said that there is a difference between telling someone that you're sorry and asking for forgiveness- When you say that you're sorry, you're saying that you didn't know what you were doing, that you made a mistake, and that you hurt them in the process. When you ask for someone to forgive you, you say that you knew what you were doing and that you accept responsibility for it.
And on the flip side:
Buffy says- (Well not Buffy actually, but Giles)- "To forgive is an act of compassion, Buffy. It's not done because people deserve it. It's done because they need it."
To forgive is an act of compassion. When someone forgives you, it's an act of compassion on their part.
I have to get it through my head that you don't forgive someone because they deserve it. Because they need it. Even if they knew what they were doing and they knew that it would hurt me and they did it anyway. They don't deserve to be forgiven. It's an act of compassion. Because they need it.
Even if they don't know they need it? Even if they don't want it or if they still don't care?
I have to let go of my anger.
I am still angry about things that happened 13 years ago, 9 years ago, 4 years ago, fuck 17 years ago.
I am still angry and my parents and my best friends and my husband for things they may not even remember.
And I take it out on myself. I have all these self-destructive behaviors that I used to numb the anger because I can't forgive. I lack the compassion for it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 14th, 2005|03:13 pm] |
Today, I give myself permission to take a nap.
This is a rare rare rare thing for me. I don't take naps because then I can't get to sleep at night, which I have a problem with anyway, but today, I just want to snuggle up with my kitties and doze off. I want to rest. There is laundry to do and the house is not clean and there are other things I need to be doing, but I'm going to take a nap anyway, because I'm tired. So tired, ya'll. Like I haven't had any rest for weeks.
Nighty night. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 14th, 2005|02:15 pm] |
I have got to stop watching MTV> Currently watching Laguna Beach. It's prom and they're all dressed like a bunch of desperate 45 year olds going to some skank club. Didn't prom used to be formal?
Am I just old? And lame? |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 14th, 2005|02:12 pm] |
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I went back to Weight Watchers today. yay me! |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 14th, 2005|03:25 am] |
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I am very dissapointed to learn that the song in the Jarhead trailer is Kanye West, since I like that song and I think he's a total jackass. Now, I'm all torn and stuff. |
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isisinator's journal